The Normandy
by MassEffectMaster
Summary: Short stories about the residents of the ship that contained the greatest heroes of a generation. Spans all three time games, using multiple characters and time periods.
1. The Showers

So I felt like my main story (_Rebirth_, if you like my writing style please check it out) could get a bit droll between lightning strikes of inspiration, so I'm going to start writing this on the side as a generically lighter fic. Please review if you like it.

For those of you who have never read my main fiction, here are a few notes for you.

Shepard-Name I use for John Shepard, War Hero+Ruthless military history and Spacer background. Paragon.

Cynthia-Name I use for a FemShep who is a flawed (in that gender and personality were not carried) clone of John Shepard, created by Cerberus as an initial revival attempt

Male Shepard/Tali

Female Shepard/Garrus

The time period for this specific chapter is between Chapters 22 and 24 in my main story, during the Lair of the Shadow Broker DLC (After Hotel Azure, but before the Shadow Broker ship)

* * *

Shepard stripped his clothes off and casually threw them off to his side. He had to use the crew bathroom's showers, and despite the fact that he was by no means an elitist, he found it extremely constrictive.

Due to Cynthia and Garrus having 'relations' in the elevator, and Gardner's insistence on doing what he crassly called "wiping down the loads" the Captain's Cabin was unavailable at the current moment, and by extension, so was Shepard's shower.

The group of people in the shower seemed slightly surprised to see their commander walk in, but they simply acknowledged him with varying grunts and glances before returning to cleaning themselves.

Already in the showers were Grunt, Jacob, Crewman Hadley, and Garrus. Luckily, years of military training had ripped away most of Shepard's shame when it came to nakedness. Still, Shepard had seen batarians murdered viciously at his own hands, people impaled on Dragon's Teeth at Eden Prime, and the horror of a dissected Collector on their flagship, but nothing was as terrifying as seeing Grunt scrubbing his scaly body.

Shepard couldn't help but sneak a quick look in when Grunt's back was turned. Unfortunately, Jacob noticed and loudly announced, "Just noticing Grunt, Shepard? Yeah. It's weird and gross, but it's like a car crash. You just can't look away."

This prompted Grunt to look and Jacob and object, "My body is not 'weird and gross' human! I am pure krogan! You are just weak and squishy."

Shepard coughed lightly to alert Grunt to his presence, "Don't worry, Shepard. Out of all these humans you're the least squishy. I still beat you though."

"Beat me? Grunt, when I let you out of the tank I could have put a clip of bullets into you easily, I think I would win in a fight."

Garrus sighed and droned out, "Please, Shepard. Don't start one of Wrex's 'who would win in a fight' scenarios."

Grunt shot a look at Garrus before returning his focus to Shepard, "Sorry, Shepard. But I would win. I'm a krogan. I beat you humans in everything."

Shepard chuckled, "Not everything. Maybe some humans at something."

Grunt turned fully to Shepard, "I'm winning right now."

Shepard looked Grunt in the eyes, "I'm afraid I don't understand."

The krogan grunted, reflecting his namesake, and gestured down with his head. Against all instincts, for a split second Shepard looked down, only to recoil as he realized what Grunt was gesturing towards.

"Oh god! Grunt! Why do you have an erection!?"

"I am the biggest, I am the most dominant! I! AM! KROGAN!" Grunt raised his arms in a victorious stance.

As Shepard slowly recovered from his shock at accidentally glancing downwards, he returned to the task at hand. He grinned and retorted, "Yeah. Pure krogan. So powerful."

Shepard mumbled audibly the next part, "At least I don't collect action figures."

Jacob, Hadley, and Garrus all simultaneously burst into laughter, before Garrus vocalized, "S-sp-spirits! Grunt, you collect action figures?"

Grunt put his hands down and grumbled, "Shut up! Stupid turian."

Another few minutes of silence passed before Jacob asked, "So Shepard, you're fine with Garrus and Cynthia?"

"Conceptually it's fine, but Garrus, I'm down here and we all have to take elevators for the rest of the day because you couldn't keep it in your pants for another five minutes."

"Well I-um... Yeah screw it, I apologized, but I regret nothing" Garrus stumbled out.

Shepard stared at Garrus angrily, "The elevator Garrus? Really? What the hell!"

Grunt had clearly been pondering something, and now he turned to Shepard, "What does it mean to keep it in your pants? Is it about a gun? Did Garrus pull a gun from his pants?"

Shepard grinned, "The tank taught you extensive battle plans but not common phrases? Yes, Grunt. A type of gun. Just don't do it... or anything. Just keep all your clothes on at all times, Grunt, you got it?"

Grunt nodded, "Why would I want to take my clothes off? It makes me vulnerable."

Hadley finished washing up and walked through the door, but not before calling back, "You take your clothes off to screw, Grunt."

Grunt turned to Shepard again once the door closed, "Shepard, what is 'to screw'? Will you teach me how to screw, Shepard?"

* * *

So a bit of Grunt awkwardness. Please review.


	2. In Flux

Shepard stumbled out of Flux, clinging to railings and walls as he walked. As he moved, he grumbled and moaned. Rita, the waitress, had said that Shepard was lucky to be conscious, let alone alive. That wasn't exactly something Shepard was grateful for though.

A few steps yielded the staircase, and a few more after that yielded a nasty crash and landed Shepard on his ass. "Urgh... who put thesh shtairs here?"

A familiar voice echoed from down the hallway, "I don't know. Citadel Construction?"

Without getting up Shepard angled his head, "Wutta hell?"

The ridged face of the turian that voice belonged to appeared above him. A scaly hand descended to provide Shepard a means to get up. The turian's commander took his hand and was pulled up.

"How did you end up here? Tali said that when she talked to you an hour ago, you said that you were going to try and find a way to get us out of lockdown."

"I did look. We can rule out five of the glasses of ryncol in Flux. I should go back and conduct a full investigation..."

"You're an ass when you're drunk."

"**You're** an ass when I'm drunk."

"Shepard I-"

"I'm so tired..."

Garrus then tried to pull along his commander, but to no avail. Shepard just walked over to a wall and crouched down, "I'll just shleep here... I'm so tired..." Shepard's eyelids felt like led, and he let them fall. "Good...night... Garrus..."

* * *

"Holy crap!" Shepard yelped as he felt something splash in his face. Garrus immediately found himself face to face with Shepard's pistol, before Shepard realized what was going on and lowered it. "Sorry I-urgh... why did you do that?"

Garrus cocked his head and looked at Shepard like he was an idiot, "You wanted me to leave you passed out here? Think of what Udina would cook up."

"Oh... Well uh... thanks?"

"Yeah, no problem."

"Okay, you've made your point and... and soaked my civilian clothes. I'll go back to the Normandy, alright?" Without waiting for a response, Shepard began trudging back to the quick travel system to call a taxi down.

Unfortunately, he felt a scaly hand grasping at his arm, "One more thing."

"Garrus. Please. I need to go sleep this off."

"I just have one more question."

Shepard sighed and turned around, "My head is already pounding, that water was **really **cold."

"Yeah, sorry about that. Still, why were you drinking so much?"

Shepard sighed and fell against the wall again, his legs failing to keep him up. "You were on Virmire. You know."

Garrus sat by his tired friend and exhaled a deep breath. "Kaiden, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Shepard, maybe it's none of my business, but I definitely know that, at the very least, Kaiden wouldn't want you to do this. We had a mission. We still have a mission. You're our commander, act like one. I read your record when I joined up, isn't this the same kind of shit you did after Torfan?"

"After Torfan I turned into a vigilante, adopted some stupid pseudonym, and tried to kill every criminal I met. I was broken. I don't think I was sober for a whole year."

"And Kaiden wouldn't want you thinking about him if this is the result."

"Maybe... maybe you're right. Garrus..." Garrus sat up and helped lift Shepard off the floor. "Something tells me that you would prefer to have this conversation somewhere more private, it wouldn't go over well if someone caught you moping out here."

* * *

By the time they reached the Shepard's room on the Normandy, Shepard was close to tears, "I can't believe I let him die! I could've stayed or I could've-"

"There's nothing you could do Commander" Garrus repeated for what felt like the thousandth time. He let Shepard fall on the bed and sighed. Still, the Commander had helped him with Dr. Heart when he needed it, so his wasn't exactly about to turn him down just for being drunk. Shepard quickly began to snore, the Hero of Elysium was a dumbass and couldn't handle his liquor, that is, when he drank as much as he planned to.

Garrus just threw a blanket over Shepard and began to leave the room.

"Grrush?" Shepard moaned out through a rough pillow.

The turian sighed and turned around, "Yeah Shepard?"

"Ithurnkofyalikeabrudda." Shepard incoherently stated.

Even though the statement was unclear, Shepard's general sentiment was enough to make it slightly more worthwhile. "Thanks, Shepard." Garrus mumbled to himself as he walked out of the room, "I have no idea what you mean you insane drunk bastard, but you're a good friend to me too."

* * *

So yeah. This took me a month to write. Sad, right? Or is it more sad that I wrote this? Review and tell me!


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